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Condemning her decision!! Wow, I am shocked! From the society where I come from, such a decision is encouraged! She's just 24; she needs a life-partner. She can't go living without a life-partner! My own nanaji- his wife died when he was very very young. He got married to my nanima and fast forward a few years ..I happend! Well I sure hope you let her know you support her, she needs all the encouragement she needs. I can only cringe when I think that right now she is young and self-sufficient. Who will be there for her like a husband would when she is older? To wipe away her silent tears...aww this is making me sad. I'm going to stop thinking about this now.... =*(

This ugliness also occurred in our family. The young man lost his wonderful companion in a motor-crash abroad, during their first anniversary vacation. Her body was shipped back home like a lump of garbage, stripped of jewels, the hair clotted with brains and blood. The ignominy did not stop there. Before, during and after the funeral, there was no end of strife over who had disrespected whom in so many ways. The young man was in the hospital for months. After a year or so more, he was completely at loose ends. Small wonder he needed someone new... I'll not detail the flood of backbiting this touched off. Even though there were no children, his new relationship was viewed as something like the ultimate defilement. After another year or so, he went off the radar forever, presumably with the new girl, although I cannot say whether they survived the treatment they were getting. ...Incidentally, this appears to be common in Indian families, but I want to point out that it is common enough in *all* societies which generally have marriages between big families, and where every detail of a marriage is tied to the issue of public image and family honour.

I was married at 18, widowed while pregnant, had my son at 20. My husband's family blamed his death on the fact I am of mixed ethnicities. Needless to say they were horrible to me until they realized my Angel was a boy. Then they said I had redeemed myself for the death of my husband. As if any of it was my cause. This is a very rough tradition to try and get people to rethink because it is so old. Thank all that was holy I didn't have to burn myself on his funeral pyre.

Burn yourself on his funeral pyre?? Does that still happen? I thought that was hundreds of years ago. Wow Layla, I'm so sorry. *hugs* I would have never imaged such a behavior to something you cannot control. Wow, I'm routinely shocked! Maybe its because I'm from a punjabi family. In punjabi society- I don't think such stuff happens. Its quite encouraged to get re-married from what I've seen. But I've seen so little of the world, and this quite saddens me.... how could one blame the woman?! Like the woman is blamed for her rape- and cursed with it forever....ick. =(

Unfortunally, it doesn't get any easier. My first marriage was arranged. After that I told my family should I ever marry I will do so after I have my Doctorate to whom I choose. My family doesn't mind. But now my son's paternal family is wanting me to remain single. I'm 24 in one month. If I wish it, I'll marry. Besides, as a "half breed" I'm already born untouchable. Cuzingurl, all I ask is for you to be the best friend to her that you can. She needs as much support as she can get. Loosing a spouse is hard enough, but allowing tour heart to open up to another is even harder.

Prayers and happiness to OP's cousin and Layla. I respect you for who you are, the way you have expressed, the way you have handled, the mentality you have. Glad to know someone like you.

*Gracious God*

*Gracious God*

Champ4k_lal I am honored. I know you don't give that easy. Much appreciation! Feetslaab, your articulation has always been amazing. Thank you. Priyam, don't worry! You'll see more of the world soon enough. Even Panjabi culture is a wonderful myraid of thoughts and people! You also have the capabilities of getting more out of these experiances then most. You'll be amazed at all you'll see when your oppertunities broaden.

she needs to learn that her life should now be devoted to community service, not having another romance. sex is not the scared thing, and MY family agrees. we r desi!

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