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That is why Desi's are social outcasts. If you don't change the customs of your parents, then we are doomed to instilling them to our children.

Oh I don't know about being "social outcasts"...I know plenty of desi people who are open and honest with their families about their personal lives. In fact, the vast majority of the desi ppl I know from college (and I went to a university w/a heavy desi population) aren't hiding anything or anyone from their parents and they didn't hide in high school either. Obviously there are exceptions and unfortunately some parents, in a crusade to "protect", do more harm than good but I don't think that it makes those kids 'social outcasts". Sure a lot of the social mores are outdated and even sexist, but changing every single custom seems to be a bit of an extreme response. Besides, the older those parents get, the harder it is to get them to see that things can be different...why make it even harder on everyone? But that's just my opinion, and perhaps my opinion is skewed since I got so lucky w/my parents and my friends' parents. :)

ok. lets go around changing the "customs" of our parents because we're "doomed" to instilling them in our children. What if I want to instill those "customs" in my children? Am I a social outcast too? Well, by the looks of things, if I'm a social outcast, then lets just take 'socially invovled' outside of the dictionary and put 'social outcast' in for the definition instead. The OP's choice of walking away clearly shows lack of understanding. Either the child is misled into thinking their parents won't allow for such 'interaction' becasue the parents failed to effectively communicate that the child can talk about anything to them, or the child is knowingly taking this step thinking he/she will still get in trouble, which just proves lack of trust. Because its not a "custom", its a "choice." Such scenarios are the typical misconception- why do children feel that their parents are simply not going to understand? Failure on the parent's parts for lack of effective communication! Its not about CUSTOMS at all. Nothing in our DESI 'customs' tell us to restrict children to who they should marry. So, Undesi, reconsider your argument becasue real desi customs are worth passing on. Its an investment, an identity. Lose your identity, and you have no security in the world, no matter how people might act to "accept you". Because when it really comes down to it, you'll always be the outcast, the second-hand choice. Its human nature. Don't think all racial barriers have broken; they exist physchologically (if you would like proof of this..i will go digging around for the article I read such info way back when buts its quite obvious). And thanks, I'll take your advice, though catered to the OP, and ignore it. I'm going to pass on such customs, for the knowlegable parent will always be able to distinguish betweem true customs and societal norms set according to demand of society in different environments/time periods (as many 'superstitions' for example, are baseless in today's society where we know that back then, cutting nails in the dark of the night led to an unhygenic environment though today we have an available source of light and the standard of living is much higher). So please, save your ignornat remarks to yourself.

Priyam, while I'm glad you have that relationship with your parents, you need to realize that you are the minority when it comes to Desi children. Some customs need to be broken, some need to be kept. Undesi is completely accurate with that. So relax before you get on a soap box. There are some really wonderful things in Desi culture, but in ways it can improve is racism. As you pointed out, while Southeast Asians are discriminated against-they are also some of the most racist people towards others. This is most visable in how they permit their children (as the vast majority do) to interact with nondesis.

LIke I said Layla, one needs to mold ourselves to society. But he didn't say "some" like you did. So I do'nt think he is completely accurate with that. And I have all right to get into a soap box with that. I don't like it when people point a finger to my values, and my customs. Maybe you're one of those people in my life who tell me to not make a big deal about it. But my parents have always told me to never "let go" of such thigns. Its important to me. And I know you will not agree with me. but you have to look at the "discrimination" standpoints. I agree, we shouldn't be so discriminatory....but..what OTHER view do you develop against other races who have spent years discriminating against you, before you could stand on your own feet as a nation? How about those British, whom we welcomed with open arms, and later cheated us? What other views should indians develop? Its a natural tendency. I don't agree with the veiws at all...but its legitimate on what tehy have been based upon. Unfortunately, its quite reflective on how other cultures treat us, so we react accordingly. Again, you don't have to agree with my views...they're just mine. =)

Had my father not questioned the same hostility towards Europeans he would have never married my mother and I would have never been born! If you feel this igdignant about it now even though several generations have passed, imagine how hard it was for my parents thirty years ago! You've plenty of reasons to feel the way you do. And that's fine. Customs rarely change, but their meanings and conotations do. We need to evaluate them carefully to ensure that they are being used in good faith for the betterment of the people. And making one culture constantly against another is never good.

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