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I know that is a hard thing to do as that I lived it too. And some decisions cannot be unmade. All I can tell you is that when you lay your head down at night, you have to be at peace with your own soul. You cannot please everyone. And sometimes the only happiness that can be sustained and secured is your own. Be at peace my friend. My prayers are with you. :)

mahnoor, i'm really sorry that that ever has to go through your mind. but i'm sure it has to go through a lot of people's. just remember that if you do something that your family expects of you, they feel good about themselves, but you have to live with something you hate for the rest of your life. if you do something your way, your family might feel a little hurt in the beginning, but your job is to show them that whatever you did was correct, that you're happy, and that you're grateful that they ever let you do it. Always bear in mind that if anyone understands, it should be your family..

Good post, proudtobedesi. Couldn't agree more.

'Happiness', or 'satisfaction'? Happiness is a spiritual condition, a completely personal responsibility. Who can make someone else happy? We can give each other some satisfaction for some time, and that's it. So what sort of choice is this, whether to be happy or to keep others happy? You can only mean, whether to please yourself or to please them -really not such a momentous issue. Please release yourself from this false double-bind. While struggling to please everyone and and his Cocker Spaniel, you'll end up stepping in the dreck.

Why does it come down to this? Why can't it be both? I don't understand how such a choice has to be made when, with understanding, both can be acheived? All it takes is understanding because the bottom line is that your parents want you to be happy, and I'm sure compromises can be made from both ends to ensure that.

Regretfully not all families are interested in understandings and prefer ultimatiums. Too many still believe whatever the head of household says should be followed no matter how archaic or displeasing it maybe. The understanding and open mindset is still the minority in most Desi homes, especially in the fundamentally religious ones. Tradition and culture sometimes seems to have such a suffocating hold on future generations. It is our duty not to pass this torment to our children and try to assert ourselves to ebb it as we can.

...hmm quite interesting. I never realized I was a minority household who is quite religious....probably because I'm exposed to the society in Delhi.....but such cases never cease to surprise me...I thought we had gone beyond most of that. Yet, among the thousands of desi families I know..only one comes to mind that is very strict. And running a huge nonprofit for Desis, we personally know a lot of people yet somehow...everyone is very understanding liberal...regardless of their religion! Odd....

Yes it is odd that while you may know thousands in a country of over one billion people and the other millions of Desi communities and countrymen abroad that such a perspective is the minority.

Yes...I am underexposed to the many regions of India and different lifestyles! India is quite diverse and therefore there are cultural differences....

Family mahnoor, trust me it will pay off. hope tum samaj sakti ho :)

haan haan kyon nahi?

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