Comments

Don't feel too bad about the hypothetically 'lost' marriage prospects. Any marriage based on the assessment of the bride as a bag of vegetables (soggy? fresh? nice and full? good colour??)... is likely to be a really 'shoddy shaadi' ! Small wonder that *some* meddlesome Desis are so blunt. Would YOU use all kinds of fine manners to talk to a bag of vegetables? ...I'm sure you have some genuine and considerate souls in that great big Bangla family. Sorry about this tasteless remark you had to stomach.

when i got to my cousins mendhi, i went around and said hi to all the aunties. one aunty, that i barely know or see, didn't even say hi, she straight up in hindi said "you've gotten fat". without a word, i looked her up and down as if she had anything to talk about. she gave me the evil eye back like i shouldnt be rude. then i proceeded to tell my mother in ear shot distance of this aunty and many others, what she had said and how rude she was and needed to learn some manners. that aunty avoided me the entire weekend. next time some older person says anything about weight or looks my response is going to be.... well you look much older!

fettslaab..i have a hunch. I don't think you're really a guy. Guys who talk like that ^ are too good to be true. NOw that i think about it...the way you're other posts sound...

NO, I take my comment back. You're just an anti desi who is like 30~40 years old... :(

Namaste, How disappointing it is, to disappoint so bitterly. Please, Miss Priyam, just read some of my other entries and you might take back the ad hominem. ...Anything worthwhile I ever had, was had with Indians and thanks to Indians. My debt is life. But the immigrant experience is not always successful. FIne people I loved broke under the weight, and the outcome was horror. SInce you are keeping here to the theme of bluntness supplied by the original poster, I too should pursue it. Some people come over for the wealth they could never have otherwise, but they want to keep things as they sometimes were back home. They want to have things both ways, like me, like any human. This can include customs that needlessly cloister and shepherd women, usurp their choices and frustrate their potential. In the end the whole family is strangled, the men and the women, the kids that are just coming up, the lot of us. I think your parents are enlightened, so you have already heard of that kind of grief. Let it be. aap log khush rahie

Namaskar, once again...I didn't mean to offend you. I just got super angry, sorry about that. I just was reading some posts and whenever your comments would come up it seems as if you were arguing against every aspect of indian culture...and I just didn't like that. Indeed your experiences must have shaped your views so I have nothing more to say. Yes, as you can tell, I get angry quite fast. Mainly, I think, I was indeed disappointed. It pains me to see someone so respectable as yourself take such stances on some issues of Indian culture. I would like to point out one last thing: indeed my parents went through much of what you went through, especially my mom and I have seen first hand accounts of some horrors, but not all indian families are like that. THAT, my friend, is what irrates me. One cannot assume such horros to be affiliated with Indian Culture for that is a very broad spectrum. Indian Culture does not support the horrible experiences you speak about. What you experience is not indian culture. To go back to culture is to read the true texts of culture, not simply "view" what culture has become. It is like saying Communism is the worst thing on the face of the earth. Did you catch my allusion there? As in, Karl Marx's view of Communism was never as people manipulate it to be. I am proud to say I know true Indian culture the way my progressive parents explain to me. So please, mr. fettslaab I would appreciate it if you would no longer say claims such as "arranged marriages are gang rapes" for it is the nature of the marriage/personal family beliefs that account for the horrid/beautiful experience. If you believe them to be horrid, don't blame the tradition itself- blame the people who twist it to take form of what we see today. Dhaniyavad.

Namaste, Miss Priyam, you have caught on to something that hit me so very, very late: practically nothing out there is intrinsically good or bad. We are responsible for what we do with it. You've just made that point so clearly, I won't embroider, except to say, that is all true of anger, too. If no one ever got aroused to anger by blatant injustice, when would things get better? And If no Priyam had ever come along, certain cranky carpings would have gone on unchecked. So there is even such a thing as 'responsible anger'. I won't try to shame you into apologising for something as vital as that. ... I guess I needed a kid like you (insert 'lots of laughter' here!) and more friends like your respected parents. ...and I rather enjoy the thought of these two ladies (Lalala and Eagleeyes) standing up to the 'Aunties' who were badgering them.

haha...thanks. I guess there's hope for the younger generation after all.

Hey Mr. Fettslaab- just wanted you to know that all the "Miss Priyam"s caught on to the point my new tennis team sweatshirt says "Miss Priyam"on it. HA!

Then I guess there is hope for tennis and sweatshirts after all.

ha. i get it =P

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