Today, I got slapped for using the ketchup packets. Turns out they are only for "emergencies". TMDL

Today, my mom said I need to change the type of bra I wear because it makes my boobs look too big, and apparently aunties don't like big boobs. TMDL

Today, I asked my mom for sunglasses. In a serious tone, she told me to wear the 3-D glasses that I got from watching Toy Story 3. Sadly, she wasn't joking. TMDL

Today, I was walking home alone in a bit of a ghetto area. This creepy black guy was following me, then all of a sudden I see a Sardar Ji and he sees what's going on. He drove me home regardless of him not knowing me. TMDL

Today, I met my sister's black boyfriend. Now I have something to blackmail her with. If my parents find out all hell will break loose. TMDL

Today i bought a new iphone and my dad told me to leave the clear plastic on. TMDL.

Today, a white boy asked me out and I refused him because I am Muslim. He laughed and said "I know you probably have really strict parents, but you brown girls always have secret boyfriends!" I wish people would understand that not every desi girl is like that. TMDL

Today I went out with my aunt. We ate "Pija," looked at animals at the "joo," and went to "Discovery Jone." Somebody please introduce the letter "Z" to India. TMDL

Today, I was watching Cinderella with my cousins. When Cinderella and the Prince kissed, out of habit, we all looked in different directions. There were no parents around, and we're all teenagers. TMDL.

Today, my family went sailing. My sister's "chappal" (flip-flop) fell off the side. We spent half an hour looking for a one dollar chappal. TMDL

Today, it was my birthday. Instead of a cake, we had gulab jamun. TMDL

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by singing Tujhe Dekha To Ye Jaana Sanam. TMDL

Today was the first day of school. I had to repeat my name to everyone at least a million times. TMDL

Today my mom woke me up telling me it's 10:00. I woke up to realize it was 8:50. TMDL

Today, I got a txt message from my fiance back home saying "i love you". I got arranged last week and met her exactly 8 days ago. TMDL

Today, I realised that everytime guests come over, none of us eat anything in front of them but just as soon as they leave, we all dive for snacks. TMDL

Today, I asked my grandmother to make me pancakes. I sit down for breakfast to a plate full of parathas. TMDL

Today, my mom told me that a girl we are considering will be perfect for me because her second toe is smaller then her big toe. That means I will be able to dominate her during our marriage according to my mom. TMDL

Today, I realised that my cousins back home think 'shut-up' is a bad word. TMDL

Today, my mom wanted to return something to Wal-mart that she bought yesterday because it was a waste of money. I don't understand why she buys it then realizes it's too much and return it. This isn't the first time she's has done this. Customer service knows her by name. TMDL

Today, my mom caught me smoking. She hit me with a pan SO hard that the handle came off. Then she started yelling at me for breaking the pan. TMDL

Today, my mom and I got a kick out of some posts on here. A few mins later she asked if I ever posted anything. I confessed. She flipped out. TMDL

Today, I lent one of my white friends my shalwar kameez for a party at my house because my Mom and Dad think that my other desi relatives might get offended by her clothing. TMDL

Today, I missed my train to work because an Indian auntiji was driving 25 mph on 50 mph road. TMDL

Today, while I was on www.omg-facts.com one of the posts was "India has more honor students, than America has students." TMDL

Today, I told my mom I don't like to have a lot of desi friends because they have too much drama in their lives. She yelled at me and called be batameez and said "goray se shaadi karo ghi" when this conversation had nothing to do with marraige. TMDL

Today, my bf and I were out for Valentine's day, I gave him his gift and while waiting for mine, he just looked at me in disappointment. He was hoping I didn't get him a gift. He didn't want his parents seeing it then yelling at him. In the end, I got no gift. TMDL

Today, I went to my nani's house for dinner. No one else arrived till 10:30 pm and we were stuffed full of appetizers before started the main courses. I was so full that I refused to eat so I got yelled at. Then I did eat a main course and threw up and got yelled at again cause I had to miss school. TMDL

Today, I made an iTouch/ iPhone app. I bought it and tested it out on my sister's iTouch and it worked. I had forgotten my dad's credit card account was on my sister's iTouch. He called us five minutes later yelling at us on the phone cause I bought a 99 cent app. We are both in for a beating. TMDL

Today, I found out that when my mother was little, her and her siblings managed to accidentally kill a baby sheep by feeding it too many ladoos. TMDL

Today, I called my local IMAX theatre to find out the showtimes for "Three Idiots". The lady from the theater told me that they no longer carry Bollywood movies. All hell broke loose in my house. TMDL

Today, I realised that everyone in India wants to turn lighter where as everyone in London wants to go darker. TMDL

Today, my mom made enough idlis and chutney for 50 people even though only about 10 people are coming for our party tonight. So I reached onto the platter to grab ONE idli, she smacked my hand and said "Leave it, these are for the guests!" TMDL

Today, I almost got beat for saying that going outside with wet hair doesn't make you sick. TMDL

Today, my mum told me to have dhal and rice for breakfast because we ran out of cereal. TMDL

Today, my Dadi arrived at our house to stay with us for a little while. She had taken a 5 hour flight and was tired when we brought her home, yet as soon as she got in the house, she picked up the phone, dialed her friend's number and asked, "Aaj ke Pavitra Rista episode dekha?" TMDL

Today, I was craving some icecream in this heat so I decided too check the freezer. I found about 10 icecream buckets and not one of them had icecream. They were all sabzis and Saag....TMDL.

Today, my school was selling roses for Valentine's day. I happened to receive two from a "secret admirer". While every girl was excited they got a rose, I was worried about how the heck do I take these home! TMDL

Today, my family was on a road trip and we stopped by Mcdonald's because my parents wanted to make some chai...the employee asked "for here or to go" and my dad hurriedly said "To Here". The employee didn't know what to do and looked at me. I was laughing my ass off. TMDL.

Today, I went prom dress shopping with my mom. After spending 6 hours of hearing "this is too short, too expensive, too sleeveless, too gori larki style", we ended up buying me a lehnga from a desi store. I will be wearing a lehnga to my prom. TMDL

Today, I realized my dad doesn't allow songs with "naughty" lyrics. Luckily, today's lyrics go way too fast for him to catch it. Thank you Eminem and Kardinal Offishall. TMDL

Today, my grandmother lectured me on how I should watch more religious shows instead of gora television. She then proceeded to watch her TV drama on GEO about a girl who has premarital relationship, ends up pregnant, and then has a miscarriage. TMDL

Today, my mom asked me to make food so I decided to make pasta. When she came home she went directly to the kitchen and said "where is the food." I'm like right there and she was like when I ask you to make food I mean Indian food. TMDL

Today, once again I sat in my room for hours debating what's more important my family's happiness or my own. TMDL

Today, I found out that my fob cousin who came from India few weeks ago has been taking shower with his boxers on. TMDL

Today, my dad told me to look at all the courses the universities offer. I'm only 12. TMDL

Today, it is my sixteenth birthday but instead of wishing me a happy birthday like most people. my dad said be happy we aren't white or today I would be kicking you out. TMDL

Today, I had a substitute teacher. He saw my nose ring and he asked if my parents let me get it (I'm in the 8th grade). Then I answered, "they made me get it." TMDL

Today, my cousins and I went to my khala's house. We couldn't all fit in the car so we squashed everyone in, had kids on our laps and made them duck their heads down if they saw a police car. TMDL

Today, my parents went to a brown gathering. My mom made some biryani which she brought along. When she came back she called my aunt and bragged to her about how her cooking that was so good that people finished the biryani while others' food was still packed. TDML

Today, I taught my parents how to text with their new iPhones. While me and my mom were out, we got a call from dad asking if we got his text which he literally sent two minutes before calling. TMDL

Today, my parents figured out I pierced my belly button because another auntie told them she saw me at the beach in a bikini with my boyfriend and I got yelled and lectured for hours. TMDL

Today, I told my mom that I want a love marriage. She cracked up laughing at me. TMDL

Today, this guy tried to get my number so instead of explaining that I don't date because I'm Muslim I just lied and said I have a boyfriend. He asked what's his name I said Imran Khan. TMDL

Today, I returned from college and met a friend of mine after a month. She hugged me and I flirted with her at the bus stop for 10 mins. I then received a call from a distant relative saying that he had seen "everything" from the other side of the road and that he will tell my parents. TDML

Today, it was my friend's sweet 16 birthday bash. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to go because my mom says my father does not 'tolerate me doing these nonsense things!' Wtf? It's way better then going to the brown parties and getting perverted looks by old men. TMDL

Today, my mom told me to clean my room because the cleaning lady was coming! TMDL

Today, my mom called me puttar infront of all my Gora friends. They thought it was my real name. TMDL

Today, I started cryjng because I got a C on my report card and I'm too scared to show my parents. TMDL

Today, my mom made me drink half a gallon of milk because it was going to expire tomorrow. And I hate milk. TMDL

Today, I can't even openly cry over my heartbreak because my mom thinks there's no such thing as love before marriage. She thinks it's all a creation of Bollywood. TMDL

Today, my father yelled at me only because I was sitting on a sofa and doing nothing. TMDL

Today, my white friend noticed and asked me why I act like I don't know my girlfriend when my parents are at school. TMDL

Today, I found out I made the school play. I'm Cleopatra. I'm so excited! Until... I got the script and I found out what line I had to say: "I'm the sexy, irresistible Queen of the Nile". How the heck am I gonna say this with my parents watching me? TMDL

Today, My mom told my little sister she can date whoever she wants AFTER shes married. TMDL

Today, I had a minor argument with my mum and she threw her hand up, slapped her forehead, made a painful face and shouted 'oh god, why don't you take me? why have you given me this life, what did i do?' TMDL

Today, I got a ticket for fitting 7 desis in a car that fit 5 passengers. Two of the girls were sitting on two other girl's laps. TMDL

Today, my desi friend asked the waitress to pack the 7 remaining pieces of fries. TMDL

Today, I realized that I used to think i was lucky that I never got grounded. But then I realized that most of the privileges that gora parents take away from their kids, desi parents don't even give their kids to begin with. TMDL

Today, my dad found out I have a Myspace account. He told me to delete it because it is dangerous and there are sexual predators on it. I'm 23 years old. TMDL

Today, I jokingly told my mom that Amitabh Bachan had died. She freaked out then told me not to talk like that about your elders. TMDL

Today, my family got upset because they missed an episode of Kaun Banega Crorepati when Akshay Kumar was on the hot seat. They blamed me for not reminding them. TMDL

Today, I woke up to the sweet sound of my mother waking up my 8 yr old brother. This is what I heard "mera shoonu googali poo, mera angel, shere puthar, outaja." She walks into my room the next minute and yells at me for not being awake. I'm only 5 yrs older than him. TMDL

Today, I was watching a desi drama with my mom. They spent 5 minutes just showing the face, and the rest of the drama was either people crying or zooming in on peoples faces. TMDL

Today, my fiance said "jaan I love you". Why he said that? He wanted me to go with him to his place so I could help his mom and learn from her how to cook, clean, and take care of a full family. He also wanted me to stop my education and my job. TMDL

Today, I got my phone, TV, and computer taken away. WHY? Because I said "wow those shoes are SEXY!" TMDL

Today, I had an entire conversation with a brown aunty at the laundromat and I didn't understand a single word. And out of "respect for my elders" I just stood there smiling and nodding. TMDL

Today, my biology teacher said the word 'amplify'. I immediately thought of Imran Khan's 'amplifier'. TMDL

Today, my parents claimed that my scrawny cousins in Pakistan are more athletic than me. I'm 16 years old and I wrestle, play football, bench 225 lbs, weigh 170 lbs, 6 feet tall and run a 7.5 minute mile. Their reasoning is my cousins play cricket. TMDL

Today, I took my girlfriend out for Valentine's on the 13th rather than the 14th so that my parents won't get suspicious. TMDL

Today, I was hungry and I wanted a bowl of soup from Tim Hortons but my dad says "why you wasting money on soup we have daal" in the fridge. TMDL

Today, my husband and I went out and when we came back my mother-in-law would not talk to me because we didn't take out her four daughters with us. TMDL

Today, my mom planned my future out. TMDL

Today, my mom met my gay friend. Now she refers to him as Khusra. TMDL

Today, I went to go take a shower, and discovered my grandmother washing her undergarments in the bathtub. TMDL

Today, my mom and I were having an argument and I proved her wrong, so she slapped me and called me a "baygarat" and that my mother-in-law (whoever she is) would hate having me as a bahoo. I'm only 13. TMDL

Today, I almost bought a song from iTunes. I cancelled it just in time. My dad would've killed me. TMDL

Today, I ran out of tea bags but my sister told me not to worry she has tea bags in her purse. TMDL

Today, I was making chai for my mom and she told me to watch when it overflows. I lose my attention and it overflows all over the stove. Then she comes and slaps me. TMDL

Today, at our 7-eleven, my mom asked a young teenager for ID when he tried buying condoms. When I told her ID isn't required she called me "besharam" and said I probably buy them because I know ID isn't required. TMDL

Today, I went to a desi restaurant with my family. I felt like I was at a mela. Kids running around, loud people, burping uncles, teens on their cell phones, waiters checking out girls. And it all felt very normal. TMDL

Today, I told my mom I was so tired and stressed out due to my responsibilities. She then told me about how she had four kids by my age. I am 20. TMDL

Today, I went to Panera with my mom and ordered black bean soup. My mom glared at me, asking me why I wanted to spend so much money on dal that she could make at home. TMDL

Today, while standing in the bank line I pushed the guy infront of me ...I apologized and it happened again by mistake the guy gets mad and tells me in a heavy accent to go back to the country where i came from...I was born here. TMDL

Today, when some desi called me stupid i called his mama stupid (as a joke). He then proceeded to tell his mom what I said to him. I got a call from that house. I ended up getting slapped by my parents and having to call that family and apologize. I'll be happy desi when he moves to India later. TMDL

Today, I went to go vote. I needed to find out what district i was. I went to ask one of the bookkeepers. I showed her my ID and she asked "which one is your last name?" TMDL

Today, it is my brother's birthday. My parents gave him money. I asked them why they did not give me any money for my birthday a few months ago, and they said because I already have a job. TMDL

Today, my friends asked me how much I get paid for working at my dad's 7-11. They were shocked when I said nothing. TMDL

Today, I went to a desi wedding. All the aunties sat there scoping out all the "eligible girls" and commenting on every woman's outfit. The girls gossiped about who is dating who. The guys sat in the corner checking out the girls. The uncles talked about politics and the economy. TMDL

Today, I was waiting in the lunch line at school when I noticed a desi guy in front of me. His backpack was broken/torn so he duck-taped it! TMDL

Today, while playing PS3 the smoke detectors went off. I had to explain to my friends that in my house this was "typical." TMDL

Today, actually for a couple of days I've had a bad cold and nasal congestion. I tried antibiotics, Sudafed, Tylenol Cold, and other meds but they didn't work at all. My mom told me to use tiger balm, and it worked like magic! TMDL

Today, I saw an uncle at the beach putting salsa on his papad and eating it. TMDL

Today, I asked for shorts. My mother was like vhy dunt ju vlk in yur undervear. TMDL

Today, I had to write an essay on gay culture for my organizational culture class. My mom walked in on me researching online. A few pictures showed up as well. I got my ass handed to me on a thali and now she wants to get me married so I don't do anymore shaitani harkatey. TMDL

Today, I asked my mom about love marriage and how she would feel if I chose to do it. She yelled at me and told me I was too young to think about these kind of things. Later that day i asked her about arranged marriage. She told me every single detail about it without a problem. TMDL

Today, I was talking to a girl friend of mine on the phone. As soon as my mom walks by, I use "her" instead of "him" when referring to a boy, and change the name of the boy to a girl right away. My friends never get confused and we proceed with the story. TMDL

Today, I'm at the doctor's office where 99% of the patients are desi. A black lady just came in and everyone is staring at the poor girl and holding their bags very tight. Desis are so racist. TMDL

Today, my grandma and I were sitting in the living room and looking out the window. When a group of black boys walked by our house my grandma told me to quickly lock the front door. TMDL

Today, i find myself in a dilemma. I want to be in a loving relationship yet still want to be the good typical desi daughter who does everything to please her parents. TMDL

Today, while driving home from my aunt's house we had to stop the car in the middle of the road because my mom's dupatta was sticking out the car door. TMDL

Today, I noticed every time my brother or guy cousins wanna go out they just say they're going out. And when I or my girl cousins wanna go out we have to explain every detail and get a curfew and a lecture and then they usually end up saying no. TMDL

Today, my mums friend came over with her cute 7 year old granddaughter. My mum told me to go take the girl to my room to play. I am 31 years old. TMDL

Today my white friend's parents told me to call them by their first names and I couldn't do it. TMDL

Today, I carried the 50 pound BOX of rice into my house, that will last us approximately a week and half. TMDL

Today, it was the first time I've seen every member of my family from little kids to grandparents all stay up and watch HBO boxing because Amir Khan was fighting. TMDL

Today, my boyfriend's family came for my rishta. Everything was going fine until his dadi asked my dad where did we belong from in India. First of all we are Pakistani. Second, we have been living in the US for almost 20 years. What's the point to that question? TMDL

Today, my mom was reading the paper and I looked over her shoulder to see a really pretty white girl in a gorgeous strapless gown on the page. I commented saying that her dress is really nice, and her reply was 'Go wear it, then see what i will do! Might as well roam around the streets naked!' TMDL

Today, my little brother went to a birthday party with a gift. Being a true desi and knowing how often we re-gift, I wrote the birthday boy's name all over the gift and gift bag so they can't regift or reuse. TMDL

Today, in New York the snow was horrible and my mom had to go to work! As she was leaving she sat down and had two plastic bags in her hands. When I asked why she needed the bags, she said she's going to wrap it around her boots! TMDL

Today, I realized that when your 'elders' stop talking for like 5 minutes that does not mean that they are done with the conversation. TMDL

Today, I was in the shower and reached for the shampoo. Turns out it wasnt shampoo, it was water. TMDL.

Today, I was showing my parents and some family friends ("auntys and uncles") some pictures from my vacation last week. Unfortunately the slideshow included all the pictures on my computer including the ones of me drinking, and with my white girlfriend. Everybody went silent. TDML

Today, a aunt ji told my mum that i look so dark and she should feed me apples and milk so i can have fair skin. TMDL